"By God and St. Michael, My Horse Shall Be Avenged": The Best Lines From Hue de Rotelande's Ipomadon

[Original, trans. Richard Scott-Robinson, 2016.]

I'm sorry to criticize your boyfriend, but I think he's afraid of a little beating

"But there is one thing which he lacks, and it pains me to have to mention it, but it concerns manliness and a willingness to receive wounds."

I've never seen a man cut up a deer carcass so quickly in all my life. Is this love?

"When Ipomadon caught sight of Ptolomy approaching, he cut off the head, and then dismembered the carcass very methodically and correctly, in front of the 'Proud'. He skinned the beast and gave due portion to the hound. Although she had seen deer butchered many times before, she had never seen it done so expertly. She thinks to herself that she will take this man."

He looks friendly!!

"The lady fixed a longing gaze upon her 'Strange young man', and Ipomadon was fully aware of what was going on. He gave her many friendly and meaningful stares in return and the lady truly believed that he was in love with her." 

Yes – No – It Is Her-r-r- – No, It's A Rabbit

"But there is none fairer than he, none so noble nor courteous in all the world. So perfect is he, he cannot be anything other than a king's son! But am I the only one who thinks so? No! But does any other maiden look at him as I do? No, I hope not. Yes, I hope so! I cannot be the only one to see his nobility!"

A simple request

'Sir,' he said. 'Any reasonable request will be granted.'

'If it is true what men say,' replied Ipomadon, 'you will not be averse to what I am about to ask. It is that you allow me to reside with the queen. And also, I ask that I might be known as the queen's darling!'

Thank God for it, too

"The queen was embarrassed for him. But as the old saying goes: Where love is concerned, shortcomings are rarely an impediment."

Take that, Kaiser Bill

"The Emperor of Germany gave Cabanus a nasty blow on the helmet that tore away part of the protection and knocked him to the ground. 'What!' cried the emperor, seeing him lying there. 'Do you think you are in Palermo now, drinking wine? Can you not see that you are at a tournament?' Cabanus heard this, quickly raised himself, swung his sword with great force and cut off the emperor's left arm at the elbow. 'So I am!' he cried, derisively."

Free Hallmark Christmas movie idea

'May I never see another Christmas if I ever call a fool to me!' she replied.

So this is where it started!

"It was little more than a village, and there was only one inn, and the inn was so small that there was only one room for all of them."

Medieval bragging

'My mother was a queen and I was born in wedlock.'

I once jousted so hard I cut a guy's horse in half

Ipomadon struck a quarter of his adversary's helmet clean away and the sword carried on downwards, cut Lyoline's saddle in half and his horse also!

That son of a bitch cut my horse in half

Lyoline got up again, thrust the blade of his sword between the animal's ribs and into its heart. Ipomadon saw his horse's blood and leapt out of the saddle. 'By God and Saint Michael!' he cried. 'My horse shall be avenged!'

This guy lies to everybody. You won't believe what we think he should do next

'Yes, madam. Madam, Lyoline was dead before we arrived! He has been killed by one of the most secretive knights ever to have been born!

'Everyone would be delighted if you married him!'