Out: That Welsh Tidy Mouse. In: Rat That Does Your Returns
The gerbil that does a decent job with curtain bangs
The New Jersey guinea pig that combs The Strategist 's “The 66 Best Gifts For Every Boyfriend” for you
The rat that always correctly identifies plagiarism
The time-traveling flying squirrel that can go back to 2006 and open a 529 in your child's name
The American fuzzy lop rabbit that fills out FAFSA
Chinchilla who travels to space, lands on an asteroid, and tells you if you can mine it at great profit
The squirrels that pay off your student loans by stuffing $20s into a hole
Hamsters that prompt AI to write rodent-forward stories putting heritage news out of business
The naked mole rat bag man that whispers advice to you so you always appear charming in public
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